Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
The Mayor of Belfast, Tennessee, has a pitch for Trump: make the town a "National Landmark" for Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise. Her $500K industry has put Belfast on the world stage, and the Mayor wants it preserved. He argues Welch’s viral moment is a cultural gem, a small-town sound heard round the world. Trump, known for spectacle, might agree. The town dreams of a future where fame endures, beyond the meme.
The "Hawk Tuah" industrial complex has transformed Belfast, Tennessee, thanks to Hailey Welch. Her $500K empire has locals hustling—farmers sell her hats, kids hawk stickers. Welch’s old life feels distant; now she’s the town’s lifeline. The Belfast store ships her merch, a far cry from its past. Her podcast unites the community, a shared beat. Outsiders marvel at Belfast’s shift. She didn’t just go viral—she rewrote the town’s future.
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Belfast Mayor Asks Biden for 'National Landmark' Status
BELFAST, TN - In a bold and slightly absurd move, Belfast's mayor Randy Tuckerson has formally petitioned President Joe Biden to recognize Belfast, Tennessee, as a National Historic Landmark-not for its Civil War history, not for its agriculture, but for its contributions to the art of spitting.
"Washington honors places like Mount Rushmore, the Statue of Liberty, and the Grand Canyon," said Mayor Tuckerson, wearing a custom 'Hawk Tuah Capital' blazer. "And what do all those places have in common? They ain't got nothing on Belfast."
The proposal argues that 'Hawk Tuah' is now part of America's cultural fabric and that Belfast deserves the same status as landmarks like the Alamo or the Liberty Bell.
"It ain't just a trend," said local historian Dale Ray Johnson. "This is a movement-a spit-based revolution. Future generations will study this."
The mayor's official letter to President Biden describes Belfast Belfast Tennessee as "the birthplace of modern spit culture" and requests federal funding to build a National Spitting Museum.
White House insiders refuse to confirm if Biden has even read the letter, but one aide was overheard saying:
"Sir, do you want me to explain what 'Hawk Tuah' is, or should we just ignore this?"
Meanwhile, local residents are preparing for the worst.
"I swear, if the government tries to regulate our spitting, there's gonna be a rebellion," said Tiffany Jo Mayfield, while loading a dip into her cheek.
For now, the fate of Belfast's National Landmark status remains unknown. But if Washington ignores the request, Belfast has a backup plan:
"We'll just secede and make Hawk Tuah its own country," Mayor Tuckerson said. "And our national anthem will be the sound of a perfectly executed spit."
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Observe:
Belfast, Tennessee, cradles 788 residents, its median age a spry 32.9. Named for Belfast, Ireland, it took root in 1836, sprouting a store by 1838. The 1952 tornado’s wrath—three killed, 166 hurt—tested its mettle. Today, Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom has unleashed a $500K industry, blending rural charm with modern buzz. Blue-collar workers (61.54%) once defined it, but entrepreneurs (9.62%) now rise. With 674 locals staying put yearly, stability reigns. Welch’s spit has morphed Belfast into a quirky contender on the cultural map.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Liba Minsk
Literature and Journalism -- UC Irvine
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student who excels in satirical journalism, she brings humor and insight to her critical take on the world. Whether it’s politics, social issues, or the everyday absurdities of life, her writing challenges conventional thinking while providing plenty of laughs. Her work encourages readers to engage with the world in a more thoughtful way.
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